The fun house

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The fun house

Postby QuicheAddict » Tue Aug 09, 2005 1:24 pm

Possibly the funniest story i have heard in a while. This is a bricklayer's accident report, which was printed in the newsletter of the Australian equivalent of the Workers' Compensation board. This is a true story.
Had this guy died, he'd have received a Darwin Award for sure....


Dear Sir:

I am writing in response to your request for additional
information in Block 3 of the accident report form. I put "poor
planning" as the cause of my accident. You asked for a fuller
explanation and I trust the following details will be sufficient.

I am a bricklayer by trade . On the day of the accident, I was working
alone on the roof of a new six story building. When I completed my
work, found that I had some bricks left over which, when weighed later,
were found to be slightly in excess of 500 lbs.

Rather than carry the bricks down by hand, I decided to lower them in a
barrel by using a pulley, which was attached to the side of the building
on the sixth floor.

Securing the rope at ground level, I went up to the roof, swung the
barrel out and loaded the bricks into it. Then I went down and untied
the rope, holding it tightly to ensure a slow descent of the bricks.

You will note in Block 11 of the accident report form that I weigh 175
lbs.

Due to my surprise at being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I lost
my presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope. Needless to say, I
proceeded at a rapid rate up the side of the building.

In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel which was now
proceeding downward at an equal, impressive speed.

This explained the fractured skull, minor abrasions and the broken
collar bone, as listed in section 3 of the accident report form.

Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until
the fingers of my right hand were two knuckles deep into the pulley.
Fortunately by this time I had regained my presence of mind and was
able to hold tightly to the rope, in spite of beginning to experience a
great deal of pain.

At approximately the same time, however, the barrel of bricks hit the
ground and the bottom fell out of the barrel. Now devoid of the weight
of the bricks, that barrel weighed approximately 50 lbs.

I refer you again to my weight.

As you can imagine, I began a rapid descent, down the side of the
building. In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel coming
up. This accounts for the two fractured ankles, broken tooth and
several lacerations of my legs and lower body.

Here my luck began to change slightly. The encounter with the barrel
seemed to slow me enough to lessen my injuries when I fell into the pile
of bricks and fortunately only three vertebrae were cracked.

I am sorry to report, however, as I lay there on the pile of bricks, in
pain unable to move, I again lost my composure and presence of mind and
let go of the rope and I lay there watching the empty barrel begin its
journey back down onto me. This explains the two broken legs.

I hope this answers your inquiry.



Thought i'd share with y'all

Ko :smt004
Last edited by QuicheAddict on Wed Jun 28, 2006 1:36 pm, edited 8 times in total.
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re: A true Story- and a funny one at that.

Postby Scarlet Demon » Tue Aug 09, 2005 4:51 pm

OMG KO that is hialrious I was loving it at the part when he mention the 500 lbs of brick and him being 175 oh man the stories you manage to find are always a great man thanks so much for posting this it was a great read I can't wait to see what other true stoies you manage to dig up next :smt006
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re: A true Story- and a funny one at that.

Postby QuicheAddict » Tue Aug 09, 2005 8:05 pm

Following on from my earlier post some more stories from the winner and runners up in the darwin awards.



The Darwin Awards:

These awards are given each year to bestow upon (the remains or estate of) that individual, who through single-minded self-sacrifice, has done the most to remove undesirable elements from the human gene pool. Just think...until these events, these same people were walking the streets like normal people.



5th RUNNER-UP:


Goes to a San Anselmo, Californiaman who died when he hit a lift tower at the MammothMountainski area while riding down the slope on a foam pad. 22-year old David Hubal was pronounced dead at CentralMammothHospital. The accident occurred about 3 a.m., the Mono County Sheriff's department said.

Hubal and his friends apparently had hiked up a ski run called Stump alley and undid some yellow foam protectors from lift towers, said Lt. Mike Donnelly of the Mammoth Lakes Police Department. The pads are used to protect skiers who might hit towers. The group apparently used the pads to slide down the ski slope and Hubal crashed into a tower. It has since been investigated and determined the tower he hit was the one with its pad
removed.

-----------------------------------------------------



4th RUNNER-UP:


Goes to Robert Puelo, 32, was apparently being disorderly in a St. Louismarket. When the clerk threatened to call the police, Puelo grabbed a hot dog, shoved it into his mouth and walked out without paying. Police found him unconscious in front of the store. Paramedics removed the six-inch wiener from his throat where it had choked him to death.

-----------------------------------------------------



3rd RUNNER-UP:


Goes to poacher Marino Malerba of Spain, who shot a stag standing above him on an overhanging rock and was killed instantly when it fell on him.

-----------------------------------------------------



2nd RUNNER-UP:


"Man loses face at party." A man at a West Virginiaparty (probably related to the winner last year, a man in Arkansaswho used the .22 bullet to replace the fuse in his pickup truck) popped a blasting cap into his mouth and bit down, triggering an explosion that blew off his lips, teeth, and tongue. Jerry Stromyer, 24, of Kincaid, bit the blasting cap as a prank during the party late Tuesday night, said Cpl. M.D. Payne. "Another man had it in an aquarium hooked to a battery and was trying to explode it. It wouldn't go off and this guy said I'll show you how to set it off." He put it into his mouth, bit down and it blew all his teeth out and his lips and tongue off, Payne said. Stromyer was listed in guarded condition Wednesday with extensive facial injuries, according to a spokesperson at Charleston Area Medical Division. "I just can't imagine anyone doing something like that," Payne said.

-----------------------------------------------------



1st RUNNER-UP:


Doctors at PortlandUniversityHospitalsaid an Oregonman shot through the skull by a hunting arrow is lucky to be alive and will be released soon from the hospital. Tony Roberts, 25, lost his right eye last weekend during an initiation into a men's rafting club, Mountain Men Anonymous (probably known now as Stupid Mountain Men Anonymous) in Grants Pass, Oregon. A friend tried to shoot a beer can off his head, but the arrow entered Robert's right eye.

Doctors said that had the arrow gone 1 millimeter to the left, a major blood vessel would have been cut and Roberts would have died instantly. Neurosurgeon, Doctor Johnny Delashaw, at the UniversityHospitalin Portlandsaid the arrow went through 8 to 10 inches of brain with the tip protruding at the rear of his skull, yet somehow managed to miss all major blood vessels. Delashaw also said that had Roberts tried to pull the arrow out on his own he surely would have killed himself. Roberts admitted afterwards that he and his friends had been drinking that afternoon. Said Roberts, "I feel so dumb about this." No charges have been filed, but the JosephineCountydistrict attorney's office said the initiation stunt is under investigation.

-----------------------------------------------------



Now, THIS YEAR'S WINNER:



(The late) John Pernicky and his friend, (the late) Sal Hawkins, of the great state of Washington, decided to attend a local Metallica concert at the George Washington amphitheater. Having no tickets (but having had 18 beers between them), they thought it would be easy to "hop" over the nine foot fence and sneak into the show. They pulled their pickup truck over to the fence and the plan was for Mr. Pernicky, who was 100 pounds heavier than Mr. Hawkins, to hop the fence and then assist his friend over.



Unfortunately for (the late) Mr. Pernicky, there was a 30-foot drop on the other side of the fence. Having heaved himself over, he found himself crashing through a tree. His fall was abruptly halted (and broken, along with his arm) by a large branch that snagged him by his shorts. Dangling from the tree with a broken arm, he looked down and saw some bushes below him. Possibly figuring the bushes would break his fall, he removed his pocket knife and proceeded to cut away his shorts to free himself from the tree. Finally free, Mr. Pernicky crashed into holly bushes. The sharp leaves scratched his ENTIRE body and now, without the protection of his shorts, a holly branch penetrated his rectum. To make matters worse, upon landing his pocket knife penetrated his thigh. Hawkins, seeing his friend in considerable pain and agony, threw him a rope and tried to pull him to safety by tying the rope to the pickup truck and slowly driving away. However, in his drunken haste, he put the truck into reverse and crashed through the fence landing on his friend and killing him. Police arrived to find the crashed pickup with its driver thrown 100 feet from the truck and dead at the scene from massive internal injuries. Upon moving the truck, they found John under it half-naked, scratches on his body, a holly stick in his rectum, a knife in his thigh, and his shorts dangling from a tree branch 25 feet in the air.



Congratulations gentlemen. You win. And some more idiots have been removed from the gene pool.
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re: A true Story- and a funny one at that.

Postby QuicheAddict » Wed Aug 10, 2005 5:15 pm

Me again sorry for the double post, but i found some other funny stuff, perhaps i should just make this my funny thread? lol

It's a good job doctors know what to do in case of an emergency.....use the internet!

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A drunk cat

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And my favourite one, (sorry to poke fun at any blondes here) it's a good job a blonde can get her priorities right in desperate need!

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re: A true Story- and a funny one at that.

Postby Scarlet Demon » Wed Aug 10, 2005 5:46 pm

Those are awesome KO the blond on is my fav those are pretty funny and you might as make this a funny thread can't wait to see what other stuff your gonna post those are the blond one especially :smt006
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re: Knockout's funny thread

Postby Darke Bryde » Thu Aug 11, 2005 4:34 am

I am so glad you posted the Darwin Award winners. I read that a few years back and I still laugh everytime I read it. It's one of my all time favorites.

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re: Knockout's funny thread

Postby QuicheAddict » Thu Aug 11, 2005 3:59 pm

Found this humerous video whilst searching the net, picked this one out, as it was one i found more humerous, there other vids on that site, but this one i rate best.

http://www.nearlygood.com/video/freakedoutreaction.html
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re: Knockout's funny thread

Postby Andrew » Thu Aug 11, 2005 4:08 pm

Haha I liked the comic of the girl in the desert. That is my whole family right there. I loved it. The one with Surgery.com was great too. Hope I never get a doc like that.

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re: Knockout's funny thread

Postby Casper » Thu Aug 11, 2005 5:12 pm

ok guys if you want to see something funny then watch my video of me PRETENDING to be the crocadile hunter....HILARIOUS
***you must have quicktime to view this video***

http://www.myveo.com/amember/clips/clips.php?mid=5636
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re: Knockout's funny thread

Postby Andrew » Thu Aug 11, 2005 5:52 pm

Soory Casper but I have quicktime and unfortunatley the little Quicktime bar is broken. It isn't appearing!!! Why isn't it appearing! Uhh. I'm sorry could you try putting it into a downloadable file.

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Re: re: Knockout's funny thread

Postby Casper » Thu Aug 11, 2005 5:54 pm

Messiah of Revelation wrote:Soory Casper but I have quicktime and unfortunatley the little Quicktime bar is broken. It isn't appearing!!! Why isn't it appearing! Uhh. I'm sorry could you try putting it into a downloadable file.

MOR


I cant because i lost the file bcus mi comp got screwed up so i will just fix it :smt006
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re: Knockout's funny thread

Postby QuicheAddict » Thu Aug 11, 2005 6:37 pm

Found another funny vid, a comedian impersonating actions from song lryics. I think the song is by Natasha Bedingfield but don't hold me too it.

The vid is here....i found it funny but maybe it's my humour. Click 'See video of the day', then 'this weeks videos', then the 'Hollow Men' video

http://dunstable.chilternfm.com/homepage.jsp
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re: Knockout's funny thread

Postby Andrew » Thu Aug 11, 2005 7:18 pm

What the H.E Double Hockey Stix? Do people realize when they send videos in of themselves that the entire world has the ability to make fun of them?
:smt007 :smt007 :smt007

Thats Good Stuff

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re: Knockout's funny thread

Postby QuicheAddict » Tue Aug 30, 2005 11:54 pm

Browsing many undertaker sites, for old school pics of 'Taker, and i stumble across this one, and the gent in the front row catches my eye, not becasue he has a huge red arrow coming out of his head. But can anyone see the resemblence to Paul Bearer, the overweightness, the tache, the flare for style (???) Made me laugh that there is a Paul Bearerfaker out there, future storyline maybe, Undertaker And Paul Bearer, Vs The Underfaker and Paul Bearerfaker.

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re: Knockout's funny thread

Postby Luke » Wed Aug 31, 2005 12:10 am

Haha, a Paul Bearer faker indeed! Well-spotted knockout, yes, scarily, there is definitely a resemblance! Oh and jee, what a class photo, I have one similar to that and that is certainly what you call an Old School 'Taker picture.

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re: Knockout's funny thread

Postby Andrew » Wed Aug 31, 2005 12:58 am

Bearerfaker. Haha a new word in itself. Yes the boy does look like Bearer. However no one can be PP3 not even this faker! Good find KO!

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re: Knockout's funny thread

Postby QuicheAddict » Wed Aug 31, 2005 5:08 pm

In light of the tragic terror attacks on London. The queen took it upon herself and took matters into her own hands. You go girl!


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Apologies if anyone finds this distasteful.
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re: Knockout's funny thread

Postby Rose Of Pain » Wed Aug 31, 2005 6:25 pm

:smt007 :smt007 :smt007 :smt007 :smt007
:smt008 :smt008 :smt008 :smt008 :smt008
:smt005 :smt005 :smt005 :smt005 :smt005
Oh my F'in god, that was illarious. The Queen taking matters in her own hands! You skill of captioning funny pics is awesome. I like how you presented the Queen one. :smt010
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re: Knockout's funny thread

Postby Darke Bryde » Thu Sep 01, 2005 3:27 am

That is hilarous! That pic reminds me of our State Comptroller Carole Keeton Strayhorn--One Tough Grandma.

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re: Knockout's funny thread

Postby 3XtremeTaker » Thu Sep 01, 2005 1:07 pm

Oh my god, the Guy with the Actions to the Natalie Imbruglia song! SO DAMN GOOD! I was in a small fit of laughter, before collapsiong on the floor (*does floor action*)
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